It’s like 2 am and i’m in the bed knowing i should sleep because tomorrow, as every morning my alarm clock will switch on and the radio will start to play, asking me to wake up.
I really know i should sleep but thousands of things are happening from 3 months to now, starting master degree thesis is more stressful then i thought, don’t get me wrong, it is super cool and i really like to work on it, but don’t know, it also scare me don’t know why.
Then braking up with my gf was not easy and still is not, i’m slowly realizing that was the right choice, but she is still too important for me to go on and leave her in the past. Don’t really know if i’ll ever be able to leave her in the past, she was and is such a nice person the one you really would to have in your life, at least as a friend, but i don’t know if it is possible, probably it will not be possible for a while :/. She was so nice she wanted to help me even if she should just hate me, i will never forget this as lots of other things.
I also messed up with another girl and this was so bad, she didn’t really deserve it but i didn’t realize how i felt and when you don’t understand yourself you should just lock yourself in your home and stop talk to anyone! My friends, listen to me, this is the better choice and you should really do it or you will end like me, confused and disoriented, looking for someone who will help you but nobody can but yourself, and to let yourself help you, you NEED to stay alone, think, let the thought blow in your head thousand times and then you start to understand what was wrong, why u acted as an idiot and what you should have done. It takes so long and sometimes you will fill like you know what you need, but you don’t, you just need to wait, be patient and let time flow until you will start to feel better, i mean really better, you can think clearly. It can happen for one day and then the day after you are again super confused but it a sign you are on the right way, you will be fine soon 😉
Anyway, i’m still awake because of thesis, still programming at 2 am and i’m really enjoying it, today was such a nice day, i studied in the morning and afternoon ’til 7:00 pm and then parkour training, it was super cool and i was super satisfied :)!
I guess now its time to go, hope tomorrow gonna be another great day as today, it will be surely a great evening with Chinese food!!!!!! :3
Have a good night.